There are chatty kids, there are kids who talk incessantly, there are kids who ask really dumb questions, and there are kids who are a combination.
Kids talk for all sorts of different reasons. Some kids are just socially outgoing, which is my Hannah. Other kids are scared and talk to avoid memories or to avoid thinking about things. This is my Sammy. Still other kids talk to be sure that they are noticed or that they exist. This is my respite kid, J. J is a relatively good kid and is extremely mild on the attachment spectrum. In fact, many of his behaviors are a direct result of a recent life threatening illness.
I’m used to kids that talk non-stop. After all, I have two of them. However, J is the first kid I have had that talks to be sure he exists. Part of his talking is that he asks really silly or dumb questions. These are questions that he could easily answer himself if he tried, but chooses not to. In some senses it is a choice, and in others it is a survival mechanism.
There are various ways to deal with this, and much of it depends on the child you are dealing with. J’s self-esteem is quite low, so I don’t joke with him or use sarcasm too often, but sometimes I can do it.
Ex: For the past several days I have ripping up the 40 year old floor tile in our kitchen and then removing the adhesive. We discovered hardwood floors underneath it so I cleaned up the floor and started to move the furniture back into the kitchen. J asked me if we were going to have wood floors now. Now, anyone looking at the floor can tell we’re going to have a wood floor now.
How do you respond to this? I looked at J and asked “What do you think?” Kids who aren’t trying to manipulate will stop and think about the question. Some kids will continue to play the game as if they could not possibly know the answer. When Sammy or Hannah asks a question like this, I can usually respond with a dumb answer such as “No, we’re going to have a floor full of feathers.” My kids are secure in their role in the family, so it is safe to do this, but J is very insecure so this method is not safe with him. It could damage his self esteem even further. This is also a safe way to deal with kids who are being manipulative. Being baited into a senseless discussion only furthers their manipulation.
Whatever the reason for the talking and the questions, some days it is just downright irritating and you just want some peace.